m o o n c r a b l o g

Homeslice

Nov
16

I love pizza and I love fall, but I don’t love dropping my pizza on the floor, love. Thanks again!

Ours is not to yada, but to instead yada

Nov
03

Ok? Thanks again.

They won the ball match and I couldn’t be happier (except for the losing team, which makes me sorta sad)

Nov
03

But that is the way it goes, especially in pro sports, where a lot is riding on the game, especially money. But man, what a ride it was! The fans, the ads, the food, the cars, the women, the rush of it all. It reminds me of going to an amusement park and so long as your favorite ride is open and you get to ride it as many times as you want, all is good. But if it is closed or the lines are too long, it just isn’t worth it. Here, have an over-fried sugary funnel cake and some syrupy coke product to wash it down with. Let’s go home now, I’m tired. Can you carry me to the car and wake me in the morning when it’s all over? Thanks again. Go team.

You ever ski laco taco?

Nov
03

I ski laco taco, every year man and is it ever ridiculous: creamy highs, delicious lows, and those mounds of medium, right there in the center. Ef an a bra. Thanks again.

Oh crap, it’s November, I should have said something

Nov
02

Well I am saying it now. Everyone, get back to work. Thanks again.

Hey folks, it’s been a long day, let’s call it

Nov
02

You earned it – a soothing tea or massage or even a letter from an old friend. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me, unless you post it in comments, in which case, it is public. Don’t you get it? The entire world [that has access to the internet with aol or NAME IT] can see it??

So don’t do it and then come crying to me that everyone knows your secret. It’s out and the past is the past and that is what the past taught me–that the past is just that–the past.

And don’t mis and-or overuse dashes–em or otherwise–it’s poor form, like too much sausage at a party, or lite beer at a wedding. Just reading this makes me feel sick. I’m going to go lay down.

The rest of you, get back to work–we’re not paying you to sit here and listen to me. Besides all that, you should know better.

Someone go get me some floss, I think I have black pepper stuck in my teeth. It feels like there is something in a cuspid and it tastes burny like black pepper or sassgrass.

Thanks again.

Halloween parties are happening all the time now

Oct
31

I was a dressed up as a halloween costume for halloween once. I wore it the whole night and got lots of compliments! People were like “oh my gosh you guys, that is so cool,” and things like that. Also, they had a really cool setup there (at this party I went to). There was a live dj who played music for us and a bar with like beer and wine and stuff, and we danced all night, I’m telling you, it was totally off the hook for halloween! It reminds me of other parties that we went to, except this was for halloween and everyone dressed up, and at other parties you don’t do that as much. Do you know what I mean. Like seriously tho, halloween parties happen on weekends a lot around halloween now. Growing up I don’t remember it but also I was younger and¬†we probably wouldn’t’ve gone to adult parties. Maybe my parents and their friends did, I don’t know. I can check with them if you want.

It’s almost done with october

Oct
29

And it is time, once again, to get your halloween costumes dusted off, and to start enjoying that pumpkin spiced whatever it’s called. Get ready for the other holidays too this year – they only happen once a year, and now’s the time for all of that. Thanks again!

You so lazy (the first time I met you)

Oct
29

You were wearing that really cute thing and it brought out your cute rosey cheeks. I called you nosey rosey (because you also have a really cute nose!) and we laughed. Later, we went to the cheesecake factory and ate so much food that both of us had to go home and lay down and make vows never to go there again. We were the best of friends that night. We helped each other throw up that bad, GMO, salty, preservative-rich food. And then we talked politics and watched reruns of that show with old what’s his face. But don’t get me started on politics. Thanks again for a great time and don’t forget to get out and vote!

My perfect first date with you

Oct
29

Intro

My perfect first date is with you–yes, you reading this. How cool is that? You are my perfect first date. First a little about me, combined with more about this perfect first date.

Quick Summary about Me

I am fun-loving, honest, kind, truthful, fun, easygoing, outgoing, energetic, and like to spice and jazz things up. I love to live life to its fullest–I may even try sky diving one day! I like to take short walks on the beach with my favorite stuffed animal. His name is Fikus. But he is so well-made you would swear he is a real dog and you will want to pet him! He is a miniature German Shepard with a bright red chiffon jump suit.

Our Perfect First Date

Anyway, about the date. On our perfect first date, you take me and Fikus to the beach. Towards the end of our walk, you and I embrace for a moment and then we go to red lobster, chillis, and then applebees for appetizers, main course, and desert (respectively). You hold the door for me, everywhere we go.

More about Our Perfect First Date

At each restaurant, you take charge–but not too aggressive or anything, just the right dash of something (je ne sais pas?)…gosh, you have such panache. You know just what to order for me–I don’t even have to look at the menu! At the last stop I get sick from eating too much and I throw up all over the table.

Towards the End of the Night

Anyways, after the whole vomit thing, you are so gracious about it all, act like it is no big whoop: you help the waiter with the soggy dish towels and club soda, and when you pay for the meal, you lean over and tell me that you left way more than 20% for the tip. I get goose bumps.

More about Towards the End of the Night

We leave the restaurant and you take me home in your nice smelling car. We either listen to pleasant music and talk, or just listen to the music and do not talk, or we drive in silence and occasionally talk. Whatever it is, it feels calm but exciting, like anticipating popping a juicy pimple. You stop outside my house, put the car in park and turn off the ignition.

Closing of a Great Evening with You

In this moment in the car, you also switch off the car’s lights and turn down the music (if we were previously listening to music). It suddenly gets more dramatic and exciting. You look deeply into my eyes and tell me that, even though we just met, I am the best thing to happen to you. It means a lot to me. I really have to fart, though (and throw up so more), so I smile and say something about getting up early. You say that you do too, and that it is no problem. Wow, you are so gracious again.

Getting out of the Car and Walking Me to My Door

We get out, you start to walk me to my front door. You place your hand somewhere on my body and either you don’t notice my crop dusting, or are too polite to comment. Gosh, your hand feels so good back there, wherever it is. It might be the release I feel from the pent-up gas, or that your hand just feels so dang good. Whatever it is, something is just right. Anyways, we finally get to my door and you either do or do not kiss me. Whatever it is, it is just right.

End of the Date Activities

I go inside, get into my comfy PJs, brush my teeth and stuff, think about you and me and our perfect first date and then go to bed.

Quick Summary

Best date ever–thanks again!

Other Summary

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