m o o n c r a b l o g

Crab cakes sure taste good going down and GNR

Nov
02

But they have actual crab in them (not good) and are really high in calories (also prob not good). So, before you order, think of how cute crabs are, and if that doesn’t work, think of all the mercury and other poison and trash in the ocean. Thanks again and oh btw, happy November! Which reminds me, Isn’t November Rain that cheesy GNR song?

Were they trying to get out of a record contract with that massive double album? Sheesh, it was really bloated and gassy. Thanks again.

Your place smells farty like a bad yankee candle

Nov
02

Yankee candle dandy. Farty. At least the moist mealy fart smells are natural. That weird pumpkin vanilla spiced rum latte candle is stinging my eyes and makes me feel like I have to sneeze or vomit or sneeze-vomit. Thanks again.

So is Brad Pitts actually in fight club?

Nov
02

Do you know what I mean? It is so well made, Fincher really has an eye for photography and style. But gosh does he make disturbing films. Couldn’t he ease up a bit, please? Oh, also, is Brad Pitt actually in that movie (do you know what I mean??)? By the way, Fincher seems to really struggle with endings for his movies. Why is that? They seem to just kinda bleh-out. Anyway, thanks again.

Gosh, ocean 11 movies !

Nov
02

I mean, the first one is SO good and the other ones are like so corny and kinda boring and I can only take so much dum-da-da-dumdum cheesy bass and white boy drums. Soderbergs, you’re such a skilled director. What happened with those other thirty or so ocean movies ? Also this time I noticed the apostrophe – it’s Danny Ocean’s team. Thanks for explaining that to us in the second one. That helped. Anyway. Thanks again.

Oh crap, it’s November, I should have said something

Nov
02

Well I am saying it now. Everyone, get back to work. Thanks again.

Hey folks, it’s been a long day, let’s call it

Nov
02

You earned it – a soothing tea or massage or even a letter from an old friend. Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me, unless you post it in comments, in which case, it is public. Don’t you get it? The entire world [that has access to the internet with aol or NAME IT] can see it??

So don’t do it and then come crying to me that everyone knows your secret. It’s out and the past is the past and that is what the past taught me–that the past is just that–the past.

And don’t mis and-or overuse dashes–em or otherwise–it’s poor form, like too much sausage at a party, or lite beer at a wedding. Just reading this makes me feel sick. I’m going to go lay down.

The rest of you, get back to work–we’re not paying you to sit here and listen to me. Besides all that, you should know better.

Someone go get me some floss, I think I have black pepper stuck in my teeth. It feels like there is something in a cuspid and it tastes burny like black pepper or sassgrass.

Thanks again.

No more mandolin please

Oct
31

There is so much mandolin happening in hipster craft beer music. If you can, please try something else, or use it to augment. Do you know what I mean. Thanks again.

Halloween parties are happening all the time now

Oct
31

I was a dressed up as a halloween costume for halloween once. I wore it the whole night and got lots of compliments! People were like “oh my gosh you guys, that is so cool,” and things like that. Also, they had a really cool setup there (at this party I went to). There was a live dj who played music for us and a bar with like beer and wine and stuff, and we danced all night, I’m telling you, it was totally off the hook for halloween! It reminds me of other parties that we went to, except this was for halloween and everyone dressed up, and at other parties you don’t do that as much. Do you know what I mean. Like seriously tho, halloween parties happen on weekends a lot around halloween now. Growing up I don’t remember it but also I was younger and we probably wouldn’t’ve gone to adult parties. Maybe my parents and their friends did, I don’t know. I can check with them if you want.

It’s almost done with october

Oct
29

And it is time, once again, to get your halloween costumes dusted off, and to start enjoying that pumpkin spiced whatever it’s called. Get ready for the other holidays too this year – they only happen once a year, and now’s the time for all of that. Thanks again!

You so lazy (the first time I met you)

Oct
29

You were wearing that really cute thing and it brought out your cute rosey cheeks. I called you nosey rosey (because you also have a really cute nose!) and we laughed. Later, we went to the cheesecake factory and ate so much food that both of us had to go home and lay down and make vows never to go there again. We were the best of friends that night. We helped each other throw up that bad, GMO, salty, preservative-rich food. And then we talked politics and watched reruns of that show with old what’s his face. But don’t get me started on politics. Thanks again for a great time and don’t forget to get out and vote!