investor relations

thank you for stopping by--prospective investor(s)! we are so happy to announce the opening of %this website duh%, coinciding with the world wide web grand opening! we are totally in love with your country, people, ethnicity, race, and social creed. we cannot think of peoples we would rather do business with. money talks, so they say. but we at Welcome. actually talk. that's right! you can call us anytime, day or night to have a phone chat or to discuss the business deal we will soon be a part of, with each other. i, the c.e.o of Welcome., love your family. we, Welcome. as a whole, love your family! we will be part of your family soon. think of us here at Welcome. as part of your extended family. once you submit the right sponsorship support dollar amount, you could even consider us immediate family. we have an immediate need: to be the company of your investment fund. act fast, our stocks are going fast! get in on the ground floor, and all that other good stuff. see you at the movies! interested in becoming an investor? click here to make an irrevocable offer as such, becoming a life-long member of %this website duh%. your credit card will be charged on a monthly basis for the next 326 years. this submittal on your part is totally legally binding. you acquiesce any rights, arbitration or other, and hold harmless %this website duh% and all affiliates therein, indefinitely, simply by clicking this button*. thanks again! see you at the movie!

*this statement and everything on this page is grossly untrue.